ME AND GUNS or COLUMBINE FOR DUMMIES

Lots of the bloggers are gun guys. Here's why I don't own one.

I grew up in rural CA and all the guys were duck and deer killers as soon as the lice ridden shits were in season. I went duck hunting ONE time and discovered that ducks live like a bunch of animals. I froze my ass off in a blind for hours, shivering in freezing water like a dip shit moron blowing threw a quacker so a stupid bird would think I was a duck and come close enough for me to blow away. Then a bunch of birds flew over and I blasted. Guys patted me on the back because I "nailed one of the cock suckers", a dog brought a duck back, I took it home, ripped its fucking head and feathers off, cleaned out its guts, cooked it, and when I started to eat it I was spitting buckshot during the whole meal. So I decided fuck shotguns and ducks. If I want to hunt a duck I'll just kill a chef in a warm kitchen.

Deer were also very big. All the guys came to school armed to the teeth on the day before deer season opened so they could leave school and head out; nobody went to football practice the first day of deer season. I had a 30.06 and I could hit targets at 100 yards. As everybody knows, deer are the biggest assholes in the animal kingdom. Most of my friends cried in the movie when Bambi lived. Deer know when deer season has started and they hide. You can't shoot the women deer (feminist assholes again); you can only shoot the men. I walked ten miles up mountains and shit and then my buds showed me how to sit in a fucking tree like a goddam squirrel and wait for a deer to come strolling by. I was dressed like a Marine, smeared with anti smell that stunk, and squatted for half a day with ants crawling up my asshole, sweat dripping into my eyes, and farting like a volcano which I knew the deer would smell and avoid me. Finally a woman deer comes by. I hated that bitch on sight but I held my fire. Soon a man shows up with those "shoot me shoot me antlers" and as I'm about to open up on the son of a bitch ten shots rang out, scared the shit out of me and I fell out of the tree and fractured my arm. The deer was dead and three guys come charging out of the brush and start to fight over it. I headed back to the car.

So I say fuck hunting. If God wanted me to hunt he'd have deer and ducks walking in front of my couch. But this is just to let you know that I'm not afraid of guns, I know how to use them, I was in the service where I was taught how to kill humans (well not humans exactly: anti-Capitalist gook mother fuckers). So I'm OK with guns.

So let's cut to the riots. The Blacks are burning LA and I have three hundred reels of my feature film sitting in a truck transfer company located in the middle of Watts. There is no way I'm going to let a bunch of Black assholes burn my movie and ruin me. I have three little kids so I have no guns in the house. I borrow a pistol from my father in law and head into the horde of hate filled rioting black assholes just spoiling to kill white people. I know this because they are all over the tube telling us exactly how they are going to blow all white people away, and that they are ENTITLED to blow us away. I drive down Vermont Ave into the jaws of hell. I don't see one black person for at least two miles, even they didn't want to fuck with the rioters. I stop at traffic light the corner of Vermont and Washington and three young black guys show up. I am headed south in the northwest traffic lane intending to turn east (left) and these black guys are standing on the northeast side of the street looking directly at me. They start yelling shit like white mother fucker and one takes a step toward me.

Now, I could have driven straight ahead, there was no traffic in the middle of the riot. I could have turned right. I could have even jammed my foot on the gas and turned left. But no. I had "the old equalizer" and nobody was going to push me around. I got it out of the glove compartment, rolled down the window and pointed it at the guys. I called them names and I told them I wanted to kill them. That I would love to kill them. Luckily for me they ran, had I shot one or two of them I'd have gone to jail.

When I got to the trucking company I started to shake. I was in shock at what I had wanted to do and had almost done. That is the last time I had a gun, either on me or in my house. I should not ever have a gun. I am a nut case.

I don't project my own shortcomings on others. I know tons of people who own them, go shooting, target practice, and so on. Sometimes they go months without killing someone. People who live in rural areas go hunting all the time. They even hit some of the animals they point their guns at. They have fun. It's recreation and they are entitled to have that fun. Some are probably a little weird and if they blank on the deer they might shoot a puppy or a kitty on the way home just to feel good about themselves, but no harm no foul. Plenty of people living in the cities realize that the police response time is thirty minutes at a minimum and they absolutely need something to combat the criminals the ACLU claims have rights to enter your home and do what they want as long as they don't smoke while they are doing it. I think people should have the choice to arm themselves. There is no record anywhere of a woman being raped by a guy with a bullet in his head.

Now the Constitution. The "right to bear arms" was passed because Congress knew our infant country could not put armies into the field and protect a frontier population stretched over a 1,500 mile front. The Brits and French had armed the Indians with the latest weaponry and the Indians knew how to use them, and did use them. Congress knew it was "every man for himself" out there and that the frontier population had to be ready to defend themselves because the United States could not do it. They not only gave people the right to bear arms but the duty to bear arms or get what was coming to them.

The argument is made by many that had the Indians been given AK-47s and tanks that the Congress would never have allowed the population to have them. A bogus argument on its face. What they did not envision was that a criminal class would grow up, own guns, and use them to rob and kill people whenever they wanted to. Lets face it. We have a population under siege by the modern "Savage"; the urban gangs. It is still "every man for himself" in our cities. Hundreds of thousands of square miles that our government cannot protect. Thank God we still have the right to defend ourselves. Liberals want to take that right away.

I have given up owning a gun, for now, and it is my free choice. I can always change my mind. I will have that right until the ACLU wins. I do worry sometimes that the guy in the apartment below me will get high on crack and open up on the ducks he thinks are flying on his ceiling, but that's life in the Big Orange. It beats the hell out of living in France.