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THE ATTACK OF THE LEFT WING SUMMER MOVIES
A Guide to Political Orthodoxy regarding the Correct Interpretaion of Cinematic Entertainment aimed at Progressive Thinkers

TROY; Wolfgang's summer treat. A real movie; a "gore and whore" movie for the ages.

Political Correctness is limited to the stupid interviews opposing "all wars everywhere" being conducted by the stars. They make millions off of gore and war and then because the liberal assholes feel "guilty", they go out and trash the practice. Also this movie is so "gay" it might crash and burn. The chicks are going to go wild about all the gorgeous near naked men. The guys are going to love the battles. We're talking big time blood and gore. The movie is big and will make a ton, unless it is branded as a "fag fest", something that is too obvious to let go. Almost all the "heroes" are pathetically weak. Brad Pitt has a near homosexual relationship with his "cousin" that can only be termed as gay.

THE STORY

This movie is based on a story called The Iliad. Based is the word. If you are young, you haven't read it. Older people have read it. Everybody knows that the tricky Greeks used a hollowed out wooden horse, filled it with soldiers and when the Trojans broke down their wall to let it in, bye bye Troy. "Beware Greeks bearing gifts" comes to mind here. The original story was written by a guy named Homer (not Homey) back in God Only Knows When B.C. It is not only the first narrative, it is also the first gangster story. Homer's tale is pre-Mafia revenge shit; thug vs thug; street soldier vs street soldier; a no holds barred revenge story without much ethics. Read the Edith Hamilton translation, a total gangster tale with "gore galore". The phrase "bites the dust" comes from this nearly 4,000 year old narrative. You will also note that all gangster names in Greek end with consonents, not vowels. So instead of Achillesiano you have Achilles; instead of Hectorelli you get Hector.

Story starts with: "Fuck with my old lady and learn what trouble is", a Don named Menelaus tells a buffed to the hilt wise guy named (get this) Paris. Anybody with a name like Paris who steals your old lady is, like, you know, lookin' for an ice pick facial. What is next? Somebody named Clarence fucking your sister? Somebody named Steve doing the back door polka with your brother? "Fuck you, Asshole. If I want her I take her. That's who I am." Says Paris. And this fruit runs off with the Don Manelaus' apparently more than willing drop dead gorgeous über bitch, Helen . Now this kind of shit, as every gangster knows, is an insult to manhood. Insults to manhood is the worst crime in the entire world. This means goin' to the mattresses, or in this story, going to Troy.

So one Mafia Don goes after a Wise Guy from Troy who "fuckin' stole my old lady". He gets his brother and the baddest hit man in Greece, a guy named Achillies to join him and to bring his mob along too. Paris and his old man rally their soldiers and the number one hit man in their country, a guy named Hector. Both gangs do a ten year shoot out. Gang members on both sides have names that do not end in vowels either, and then little dons fight with other little dons over bitches that just show up looking for trouble. There's a big fight over a chick named Briseis; a goddess with a rack that could feed a goddam whale who a big Don stole from Achillies, the bad ass hit man. You think Achilles ain't pissed? You don't take the best rack in Greece from the baddest dude in Greece. This is about manhood. Achilles is afraid his 42D cup might find out that his dick is smaller than other people's. He will either sulk in his tent or fight. He decides to prove his manhood by fighting Hector, killing the dude and then dragging the dead body around the walls of Troy like he was a 66th Street Rolling Crips "gangstah" from LA.

In the actual book there's tons of Gods and Goddesses duking it out too.

THE ACTUAL MOVIE

This is a, you know, "modren pichur" not some Eisenhower Republican 50s bullshit movie. There are constant oblique references to Iraq. Troy is a quagmire and so on. Not so oblique references to pussy, tits, and tongues. Even Variety has branded the movie "gay" so this movie may not draw the throngs expected; even worse, in the theater I where I viewed it the audience laughed AT it in far too many places. A lady told me she thought "the battle scenes were shot in Greenwich Village". There is no doubt that the men are too gorgeous for words and the women not good looking enough to fight over. Men wore skirts (chitons) in those days so all of the gorgeous men fight in dresses. But the women in the theater went nuts over all the men. There was actual yelling when Pitt showed his naked ass; no guarantee that the yelling didn't come from men in the audience. But this is a gore and whore movie and the battles are bloody and terrific, but run on forever.

There is the usual stupid out of context "feminist" who would have been killed in her cradle back in the "good old daze". But in the "book" lots of the women are goddesses who had super powers, so when a goddess said shit, the non-God guys would squat and ask "what color and how much?"

The hero gangster/hit man Achillies is a buffed out naked as an R rating will allow Brad Pitt, the big movie star who 20 million women wish would rape them while they were being beaten with whips. 20 million times a $6 ticket covers the bottom line. Peter O'Toole (in a dress) is there for the nympho blue hair crowd. Hector and Paris are also buffed out dress wearing hunks. And the tits and ass babes? The ones in this movie, especially Helen, couldn't get a day extra's job on Bay Watch, so we must assume they all gave Wolfgang great head or some dyke cast the movie. However, for you sex fans there is a threesome and some other hot scenes. All in all "Troy" is sort of an Iliad. Entertaining as hell; all the guys bathe before each scene so there's no dirt; great gory bloody battle scenes (long shots are computized); only mild DNC language; and not a lot of tedious character development. Don't wait for the CD because this is BIG SCREEN stuff. I would have liked to hear a Flatlanders or Billy Joe Shavers sound track, but with a guy named Wolfgang directing you get classical stuff. At least it's loud.

CAUTION: More computerized armies. Totally false. You have this out of focus look at all the armies. Battles are all the same. I watched part of that old 60's war horse called "Vera Cruz" the other night. Promise you, real people make a big difference in a movie. Especially a movie where battles are fought in full daylight. Computerized armies suck and that is what you get far too much of in this movie. Also the dialogue is very stiff at times and Pitt isn't all that convincing as Achillies til he fights. And again, it's gay.

Best: All the Greeks were white so we don't have to put up with some snotty black liberal asshole reminding us what pieces of shit bigots all white people are.

See it. It's fun. It's big like a real movie should be. Rated R for DNC language and ugly women. BTW, if you need to read a really really stupid review of this movie go HERE; I have no idea why the usually top of the line NRO publishes shit like this.