Humor: News from unusual suspects
Colorado Bureau of Prisons is preparing a proposal that will give the Lakers the proverbial "choke hold" on the NBA title next year. In exchange for Bryant, who may sign a twenty year to life contract with the state of Colorado, the Bureau of Prisons will send the Lakers four vicious criminals who will have no problems "guarding any of those NBA faggots" according to Vernon "Wild Beast" Davidson the 5' 7" 230 pound mass murderer (still outraged at the phony charge because he only killed three women) who is getting his ten life term sentences reduced to time served for good behavior; the ACLU broke new legal ground obtaining his release because his continued incarceration posed a threat to other inmates. NBA president Stern has said that several inmates at other institutions will be in next year's NBA draft, including point guard Ted Bundy who is rumored to have a "killer slam dunk".
"We think every citizen has the right to earn a living," said Stern. "Just because a young person uses bad judgement and terminates the bodily functions of a few people who have pissed him off doesn't mean we should just throw his life away."
Stern was referring to Billy "Jive Ass MF" Mambombo the 7 foot 8 inch 420 pound high school phenom who was convicted of breaking the necks of "some dogs", as Mambombo says. The "dogs" in question were members of the Peach Avenue Pit Bulls, an Atlanta gang that raised the consciousness of Atlantans about canine abuse by dipping dogs in gasoline and then setting them on fire and allowing them to run in residential neighborhoods. When shocked residents would run to the street to care for the burning dogs gang members would rob their homes. Mambombo was a member of the Arliss Avenue Psychopaths who spent most of their time dealing drugs and raping women but would occasionally engage in population control when things didn't go right.
"Mamombo is the kind of guy who will jam up the middle on a permanent basis," observed Stern. "He is the anti-Shaq. If he can stay out of foul trouble a lot of high scorers will have to develop new shots like the jumper from behind the half court line and to shoot free throws with a concussion." Shoe manufacturers are already excited. Developing............
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