Canadian Citizenship Application for soon to be American expatriots

You have checked the box indicating you are fleeing the oppression of George W. Bush and his agents of God. As a victim of this war mongering fascist homophobic God fearing criminal who was illegally elected by a moronic majority of 59 million semi-literate sun baked boobs you are entitled to all the privileges of Canadian Citizenship. In order to avoid persecution, assassination by CIA hit teams, and libel on the Internet you may register as either Jane or John Anonymous. As a home address you can use Gulag Red State c/o General Delivery Ontario. You will be granted immediate asylum, citizenship, free health care----the year long wait for treatment is worth it (ten months for pregnancy, two years for schizophrenia, and hives)---agreement to fork over fifty percent of your wages earned in or out of the country, marijuana on demand, heroin in certain counties, and free drug rehab for as many times as you need it.

Just write a simple 100 word paragraph on each of the following topics and sign it.

A. I will obey Sharia Law in certain districts because.....
B. I will never attend a filthy Christian Church because....
C. I hate democracy and majority rules because....
D. I despise everyone to the right of Michael Moore because....
E. I hope all American soldiers in Iraq are killed because....

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE A CITIZEN OF EITHER CANADA OR FRANCE. ENJOY.