IF YOUR DAUGHTER WANTS TO JOIN THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD SHE MUST AGREE TO BE FILMED PERFORMING ORAL SEX ON ACTORS

OK folks, on the prude scale I’m pretty far down. I watch porn with my lady pals, I do all kinds of weird stuff with them (and they with me) so lot of very moral people think I am a snake dropping; a mosquito breeding swamp thing; human plankton, and you know where plankton ends up. It ends up as Whale shit. Nothing lower than that.

And I’m not changing.

But even I have standards. I care about my kids, other people’s kids, and Right and Wrong in public, as well as in business and personal relationships. I don’t rape women—unless they beg me—or unless I can bribe them into saying they begged me afterwards. I gave up writing bad checks weeks ago, and I never lie unless I think it will work. Having said all this:

Ask yourselves this: suppose as a condition of employment your daughter was required to be filmed performing fellatio upon another actor? Impossible? Oh, no. Entertainment Union hard core pornography is here. It’s called Brown Bunny and it’s coming to a theatre near you. Up until now we could all say that specific sex acts performed on screen for money was just a bunch of crack whores who will eventually die of AIDS and who cares. Not now. Brown Bunny is a Hollywood Union movie that contains a two minute scene of fellatio in full close up. (Link HERE but warning) and there is a link here and no guarantee that they haven’t been shut down, they are porn; at least until now.

Who are these Brown Bunny people? Have we ever heard of them? Well, the male star is a guy named Vincent Gallo. He is an SAG member, a Directors Guild member, and might be a Writers Guild Member. According to his website he has appeared in thirty movies, including Good Fellas and Palookaville. He has directed two features, Buffalo 66 and now Brown Bunny. He has also directed some short films and a Toyota commercial. He has written the music scores for six movies and the screenplays for three others. His is listed as producer of four movies as well.

The lead woman is the barely attractive 30 year old Chloë Sevigny. She is no new comer. According to her website she has appeared in twenty two movies including American Psycho and Boys Don’t Cry. It’s true that most of the movies had homosexual sex and/or violence themes. She did the Lefty praised Sex at 24 Frames Per Second which she wrote, directed and appeared in. She has also crewed (one infers her crew skills are non-union) in many capacities. She is on record as believing her fellatio scene in Brown Bunny will get her a lot of work.

Also appearing in Brown Bunny are Cheryl Tiegs--yes, THAT Cheryl Tiegs---- and a bunch of nobodies. If you’re thinking red state/blue state; liberals vs the rest of us; or values, you could be right. The movie was generally trashed at Cannes but it is garnering good reviews from some of the usual suspects. However some front line Lefties are now praising it too:

“The Brown Bunny seemed to me —- and to almost no other U.S. critic, alas — to be not only the most original feature at Cannes, but also the most convincing.” (Rob Nelson, Cinemascope)

"The Brown Bunny is an art work of sorts, and Gallo himself, though an egomaniac of staggering solemnity, is not a fake ...The movie, in its surly way, casts a spell." (David Denby, The New Yorker)

Variety (the Bible of the Movie Business), which dissed the Cannes version as so much execrable "crotch-gazing" (it was more than two hours long but has been drastically recut) later found this new, re-edited 90-minute release cut to be "an astonishing improvement ...a memorable exercise in personal '70s-style American film making ... that marks Gallo as a distinctive indie talent."

So this is what your children will be expected to do if they are to get jobs as performers in the Hollywood Left movie atmosphere. Will the guilds say anything? Hell no, requiring an actress to perform fellatio is guaranteed by the Constitution. To forbid it would be censorship. If you think the Hollywood Left is disgusting now just wait til Ms.Sevigny, and a horde of similarly talented Left Coast whores, starts telling us how immoral we are during the next election.

Casting Call: must be able to talk with an object the size of a large cucumber in mouth, have vaginal lips that don’t show teeth, and have facial cheeks that can collapse inward when sucking.

Sure sweetie, I’m completely supportive of your acting aspirations.