Hey! Lefties! Another great reason for you to move to Canada. FREE HEROIN. No kidding, go here for all the referrals. Kerry supporters will get the primo stuff. Is Canada a great country or what? What you get is:

1. THREE daily fixes.
2. Pharmaceutical-grade heroin made in Europe
3. Real nurses will shoot you up, no need to strain your fingers on plungers.
4. Program lasts 12 months---what you do with an out of control craving for pure Euro pharmaceutical grade heroin after a year hasn't been addressed.
5. No worries about dirty needles.
6. It will free up that heroin money so you can smoke crack.

I'm sure there are other benefits. Maybe the AARPers can import it for their own use. NEXT: Free Crystal Meth clinics.