BATTERY POWERED BEST FRIENDS CAN LEAVE YOU TOO
Was having coffee with a couple of female psychiatrists I sort of know socially....and no, I am not fucking either of them, which is almost laughable anyway. The absolute worst sex or dates I’ve ever had in my life have been psychologists and shrinks. We are talking about the most fucked up women on the planet. I’d never go to a female shrink. Never ever. I learned that their preoccupation with keeping paying "clients" through the magic of not curing them a real turn off. Anyway I digress; the conversation drifted in an upper middle class way to sex, always keeping it professional and detached, of course. I think we built toward the topic in an orderly fashion: somebody mentioned bananas, I mentioned large cucumbers, somebody else mentioned the Grand Canyon, I mentioned the black cave at Carlsbad, and the topic of vibrators came up. Specifically women’s use of same and some unintended consequences.
It seems that both of these client abandonment fearing bitches had used vibrators in the past and both said it was the best sex they ever had, while leering suggestively at me in a challenging way. One of them shot out the statement that many women who had indulged in a very satisfactory and wide ranging sex life in their twenties and early thirties were having an almost impossible time achieving orgasm after years of plenty.
You mean they can’t cum,” I asked.
“They can only go,” shot back my favorite lady shrink.
She continued quietly as if the CIA might be secretly taping her, “It’s the law of unintended consequences....”
“Women are getting it up the ass,” I rejoiced. “Ha, ha, ha.”
“Even that doesn’t work,” sighed she of the don’t fuck me with the lights on in the kitchen, or when the kitty is on the bed, or when my husband is in the next room (I forget which). She leaned forward as if we were conspiring to kill the President.
“Overuse of vibrators for the purpose of achieving orgasm can result in the desensitizing of the clitoris,” she nasalized quietly. “The clitoris becomes almost calloused, rendering both clitoral and “G” spot orgasms nearly impossible for many women.”
“It is now being written about a little bit, but it is a very touchy subject,” the other one whispered before jump changing the subject in a way that led me to believe that she was one of those whose clitori and G-spots had been numbed by years of rolling around with her battery powered best friend.
The conversation sort of died at that point so I got up to leave, but not without offering my services to the shrink I slept with years ago in the back seat of her car. She might call. I cleverly lead her to believe that I have this secret method with two electrical wires and a motorcycle engine that could restore her youth, if only for an evening or so.
Stay tuned.
