Germany, not that I give a fat fuck, is approaching Conservative Government as our true friend, Gerhard Schroeder, "went off" on a TV show yesterday and really pissed people off.

Despite coming in behind conservative challenger Angela Merkel, the Chancellor - in an interview with all leading candidates after Sunday's elections - insisted he had won and should remain German leader.

This means Schroeder is locked in battle with Merkel who insists she should head the next German government. With both sides digging in their heels the impasse is likely to remain for weeks and could even force new elections - which some analysts say is Schroeder's secret goal.

People of all political stripes are shocked, shocked, at the PMs tactics

Arnulf Baring, a leading German political historian, termed the Chancellor's performance "shocking".

"He spoke on election night as if he was on the verge of carrying out a putsch," said Baring in a B.Z. newspaper interview, adding: "The way he is treating democracy and majority rule is truly threatening."

Read the whole thing if Germany interests you. Me? I'd rather go to a porn site.