OH OH, BET YOU AIN'T READY FOR THIS

What if Hollywood pulls a surprise and Paris Hilton Becomes President of the United States?

JANUARY
President says of landslide victory, "It's all about the belly chain."

FEBRUARY
President brings troops home from Iraq to enlarge nation's dating pool.

MARCH
President awards Presidential Medal of Freedom to head colorist at Sally Hershberger.

APRIL
President says H.M.O.'s sound "so gay."

MAY
President tells Albuquerque schoolchildren that people treat you differently if you wear jewelry on your head.

JUNE
President says two most important items on Air Force One are her Chihuahua and blow.

JULY
President likens war-crimes tribunal in The Hague to judges on American Idol.

AUGUST
President tells Moscow newspaper owner that he's misspelling "Prada."

SEPTEMBER
President likens World Bank to return policy at Fred Segal.

OCTOBER
President suggests emergency airlift to Baghdad of spray-on tans and Bioré pore strips.

NOVEMBER
President asks aide, "Who is Kim Jong the Second?"

DECEMBER
President accidentally signs bill, "Mrs. Jude Law."

JANUARY
President resigns: two-party system cuts down on three-ways.

From Vanity Fair, Note that this may not be available when you get over there.