Friday Headlines;
Paris Hilton look alike offers to do time in her place. Hilton thinking over various offers, stand ins cannot do book deals or personal appearances .....

Outsourcing baby sitters in the wake of the McCann kidnapping in Southern Portugal. Indian subs doing fine; report no kidnappings at all. Hollywood stars report "like total" satisfaction with outsourced nannies too. TV producers have already outsourced lead actors for many TV series.......

Virtual cunnilingus a fraud, says Lindsay Lohan. "Not worth a shit," threatens suit.

Virtual Immigration Bill nears passage.....pretend amnesty, college tuition, border security delights Republicans, who have been a virtual political party since January, vow at least twenty votes. "Just teach us how to mark the ballots," is the latest from them.

Offshore Dad: A company based in India has a new program called Offshore Dad. The package enables weekend dads, usually separated from their children, to devote less time and streamline their busy lives ensuring their children obtain the very best upbringing. Dads love it because they can have free time to date, do drugs, and other fun things without harming the child. The moms, who don't really want to be around kids anyway, love it too.