From emailer Jim C comes this little gem: A dog owner was standing in line at the check out holding a large bag of Pal dog food. The woman behind him stupidly asked him if he owned a dog.

The guy turns to the old bat and tells her, “No, I’m starting the Pal Diet again although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. But on the other hand I lost fifty pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes everywhere and IVs in both arms.”

The amazed man behind him asked if the diet was any good.

“It’s a perfect diet. The way you work it is to load your pants pocket with the Pal nuggets and just eat one or two of them every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I’m going to try it again.”

The horrified old hag stuck her nose in the guy’s face and accusingly asked, “Did you end up the hospital in that condition because you had been poisoned?

“Naw,” says the guy, “it was because I’d been sitting in the middle of the street licking my balls and a car hit me.”