Tweenie Heart Throb Goes Mainstream

Here's the trailer for what will be THE biggest movie in the last two years last three months last three weeks, if you missed it at Debbie's place. This latest epic without stars, big name director, or even a moderately expensive budget is about to explode on the scene. Without the bullshit, this is a $200mil world wide first week gross that appeals only to pre-teen and tweenie little nymphos. We're talking BIG here. There seems to be much wonderment among us so-called adults about the attractiveness of the male hero, Robert Pattinson, who seems to many old ladies like an effeminate metrosexual of questionable manhood. First, he's a fucking vampire, not the starting tight end for the Titans. Second he's a vampire who falls in love with an innocent young thing, but he knows that if he gets too close to her he will suck her blood out and kill her; this means they are in love but cannot kiss (terrific tension there). Or else. So it follows that this handsome vampire is the absolute perfect heart throb for tweenies who are threatened by sex and are terrified by any show of masculinity. I once had a classmate at the Pasadena Playhouse who (accidentally?) became a teen idol in a single weekend. His picture was plastered on the covers of tweenie mags and every time he moved he was met by a phalanx of sparkling braces, screams at the top of soprano voices, and lots of jumping up and down. He did some quick and dirty movie which did "boffo" biz, followed it up with two more and then......died. I add here that this handsome dog was gay; his weakness was obvious every time he opened his mouth; and he hated his fans with a passion: that's teen idolville, get used to it. So this latest handsome heart tease will be with us for at least three more years. More if he's good in good pictures and girls without braces think he's sexy and rich enough to support them in luxury for the rest of their lives.