The Homicidal Chimp

Chimps are the mother fuckers of the animal world. When I was in show biz we were doing a show called Lancelot Link Secret Chimp, a monkey satire of Get Smart. One of the guys on the crew accidentally dropped a board near our leading chimp and the near deafening noise scared the shit out of it. The trainer restrained the very angry chimp and we shut down for the summer without further incident. We were told in a joking way that "chimps have long memories" and to be careful when shooting resumed. We got picked up for a new season, so four months later we were setting for a shoot of thirteen shows. Now, this is Tinseltown, meaning that everything is a photo op and the reunion of the cast of chimps was a staged event at the airport for all the Entertainment Tonight type of shows to photograph. Our chimp deplaned, scanned the crowd, acted the comical clown and then suddenly exploded toward the crew member buried in the crowd. The trainer had him on a chain but the fucking thing weighed around 200 pounds and tore the chain from the handler's hand and headed straight toward the crew member. The chimp was totally crazed, frothing at the mouth, howling like a wounded wolf and moving as fast as anyone could imagine. The crew guy saw the thing coming for him and jumped aboard the back of a truck and shut himself in. The chimp ran into the door at full speed, leaving a huge dent and was totally out of control angry. The trainer ran over (fearing he'd lost his well paying gig) and managed to soothe the hairy fuck and regain the chain so everyone was safe. The entire company was afraid to do any scenes with it after that. But here's the interesting thing, the attack was all captured on film. When we looked at it, we could clearly see the chimp leaving the plane, glancing around the crowd, catching site of the crew guy, but not letting on that he was about to attack. He recognized the trainer but acted super cool. Ten or so seconds later when the trainer turned to pick something off the ground the chimp bolted from the trainer's control and launched himself toward the crew member as the wild animal he really is. He was frothing at the mouth and screaming like a wolf. Now remember, this was a professional movie chimp and had done TV and movies for many years without a single incident. But that crew member scared him and he remembered him four months later. When he got a shot to take his revenge he took it. The trainer later told us that chimps have memories like an elephant and he'd made up his mind to get that guy and he'd have gone after him four years from now too. They are mean as hell. Back in the 50s, long before this particular shoot, Lex Barker (major heart throb and boy friend of Lana Turner) was shooting a Tarzan movie in South America and a chimp almost ripped his face off too. I think the Guild now has strict rules about actors with chimps. I think it was nearly a year before Barker looked good enough to appear in a movie again.