Partial list of hard nosed investigators assigned by CBS to investigate memos

1. Sonja Redstone: No relation to Viacom CEO Sumner Redstone. Sonja broke the now famous expose of George Bush's homosexual relationship with Laura Bush.

2. Freddie Moonves: No relation to CBS biggie Les Moonves. Freddie has done a very inventive job digging up the facts on Jesus's brother, Bernie Christ.

3. Lou Anne Rather: No relation to former CBS news reporter Daniel Rather. Lou Anne has been a "60 Minutes" investigator reporting on the Lindberg Kidnapping. Before that she was assigned to the Evening News where she broke the super secret hike in the Fed Funds Rate, although she took some flak for reporting it the weekend after it happened..

4. Leslie Mapes: No relation to CBS News producer Mary Mapes. Leslie is the reporter who broke the story about John Kerry being born in a manger.

5. Frankie Anastasia: The grandson of assassinated 1950s mobster Albert Anastasia; was hired for his ability and not because he is the rumored top secret heart throb of a super powerful female Democrat from New York. He has worked with the FBI, NYPD, and the State Police "on a few things." According to CBS execs, "he knows where the bodies are buried." Will join the investigative team upon his release next Monday.

CBS will name more people next week.