THE FOUR STEP REHAB FOR DUMMIES

All you addicts listen up:
Forget those phony Twelve Step Programs that take years and years and have that fucking God in them---Now we have a solution. The Lohan/Hilton Four Step Program. Here it is

Step One: Admitted we were powerless over drugs and alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step Two: Since admitting we were powerlessness, what is the fucking point in fucking fighting it?
Step Three: Renew subscription to Modern Drunkard Magazine
Step Four: Make new friends (above)

“I thought I was dancing ‘til somebody stepped on my hand