HEARINGS WHERE NOBODY HEARS ANYTHING; PARIS HILTON FIRST FOCUS

So the phony hearings, a juggling act performed by political criminals, will commence. The real purpose of these performance art guerrilla shows is to blame Republicans for all things done and not done while simultaneously avoiding any Congressional Responsibility for anything. That's so the clowns performing in the show can be reelected.

1. Walter Reed: Congress cut the funding. Congress did no oversight worthy of the name. Result: Blame the Army. Failing in that: Blame the Republicans. Failing in that: there is no way to fail at that.

2. Iraq: since Congress overwhelmingly authorized the war, the purpose of these hearings is clearly to blame the Republicans for lying and subsequently murdering thousands of American soldiers. All blame has one purpose: the election of Democrats.

3. The terrible economy: Since the economy is clearly rolling the hearings will demonstrate that unemployment numbers, high stock market, continually expanding economy, actually mean the economy is in free fall. These hearings will only be held to convince those making less than 1 million dollars per year that they are being cheated, screwed, and robbed by the rich. Er well the rich that haven't donated to the Democratic Party.

4. Paris Hilton: Investigation into her not wearing underpants as a protest against cheap Chinese imports will be covered. Result: Medal of Honor, the return of her impounded Bentley, and the arrest of the hopelessly corrupt LAPD cops who stopped her without probable cause just because she was drunk