Obama clarification of new tax and wage policies 
 WAGE AND POLICY NOTICE ....Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a program to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.  This program will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).  Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).  Persons who have been both RAPED and  SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).  A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED  as many times as Congress deems appropriate.  We are aware of a slight problem that will be completely covered by MediCare so don't worry.  We have two more exciting new programs to show the voters that we are aware that persons who have been RAPED become eligible to get AIDS or  HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).  Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.

Persons who are not
RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.  Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (

PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off, but we will install solar powered replacements at a modest cost to be paid by a bond issue just as soon as we can force someone in government into lowering the outrageous interest the corrupt bankers, lenders, and anti labor forces at FOX will try to charge us.